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How To Spend Your Stimulus Check

helpful hints on spending your check

Received: 01Feb2009

Don't Buy These Things

Below are some helpful hints on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

  • If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China;
  • if you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs;
  • if you purchase a computer, it will go to India;
  • if you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala;
  • if you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea;
  • if you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan;
  • if you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

This Is What You Buy

Instead, keep the money in America by frequenting American businesses still operating in the US:

  • spend it at yard sales,
  • go to ball games,
  • spend it on prostitutes,
  • spend it on beer,
  • spend it on tattoos.


Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day. If you are capable of enjoying your companion in the evening, good for you!